I try to read books that will broaden my vocabulary while sharing various insights about living as a Christian–I’ve recently been intentional about choosing books labeled ‘Christian Apologetics’.  After all, as a Christian I am to be ‘ prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you … with gentleness and respect’ right?    in a book right now that is a little bit like that for me.  The thing is…I don’t want to miss anything!  Ravi Zacharias wrote Cries of the Heart which identifies certain questions we grapple with and (as Max Lucado wrote in the foreword) ‘helps us think without thinking for us’.  And I love that I understand what he’s talking about.  Sometimes I find I have to read a paragraph, or sentence,  twenty times before finally unlocking the door the meaning was hidden behind.   Sometimes a regular ol’ dictionary won’t quite do the trick with some of the terms I come across.

So grateful for Google!

I’m only on the second chapter of this book.  I don’t read too well on a plane when it appears the pilot has bets on whether or not he can simulate a ride better than any rollercoaster at Wonderland

I did get a chance to read something that resonated a bit with me–

‘Much anguish is spent on the altar of self-acceptance when we have felt such rejection or when we compare ourselves against others. Many bring such insecurities into a relationship with God and do not know how to break their hold. Untold grief paralyzes many of us because we fail to see the differences with which God has made us. We allow ourselves to become irritated by someone else’s constant exuberance and wish to deny them that distinctive when, in fact, God has made us.  God has shaped each one of us with a different personality(…) One of the most liberating moments in life is when we are able to accept ourselves as God has made us and are freed from the shackles of trying to be someone we are not and were never meant to be. We then soar to be the unique personality God has given to each of us.’

This isn’t anything I haven’t heard before, but it was timely for me to hear this.  I’m about to head to a conference in Nashville with some really creative people full of great gifts and talents and I’m excited to meet them.  But if I’m honest, I do need to watch the internal dialogue and make sure it is speaking words of life over me, instead of defeat, if I see someone doing something ‘far better’…and rather be encouraged and realize steps I need to take to be ME.

SO,  I’m so glad I got that little reminder last night, and I’m sooooo very excited to catch up with some friends and make heaps of new ones this week while  getting direction and learning new steps to my journey.

By the way, this conference is called Recreate here in Nashville…seriously looks great and completely different than any other conferences I’ve been to.   A few of the guys I’ve been songwriting with for WorshipRises will be here this week—anticipating great times!

On a bit of a sad note–I realized when I arrived to my hotel last night that I left my one and only set of car keys at the Buffalo airport. Any and all calls to the airport have resulted in a list of 9 phone numbers I have been directed to call. No one can help me. argh…  Lame  on all accounts…haha Oh why am I so absent minded? Wait…it wouldn’t be me if something HADN’T happened! LOL

RIP Toyota keys–I will miss you when I fly home. Along with my favourite black mittens. and the $230US it’ll cost to get a new key with keyless entry.

The truth is, maybe I should say “I’m incredibly grateful for ________ (said person or thing).” But sometimes I can be overly dramatic and the word LOVE pops out.

If you’re reading this and know me, there’s a good chance that I’ve said “man, I LOVE ________ (you)” but really, there is no need to worry that I have confessed my undying love for you to my roommate…it’s stricly a plutonic love, but it’s possible that I’ve strayed from the ‘tolerate’ category to the ‘love’ category with no stopping in between. You should not feel a necessary burden to start doing things for me to retain this love and appreciation, although I DO love a good vanilla rooibois tea from Starbucks, as well as someone picking me up to  go to see some jazz in Toronto or letting me join in on a game of Settlers (thanks Paul and Kristin), or something so simple as making me laugh.

The real truth is, I am the luckiest person on earth because I have some pretty amazing friends and family and yesterday I connected with someone who sadly didn’t have the same type of quality people and it showed. Going through ridiculous sickness and knowing you have people that will support and encourage and love you in return is a remedy that can’t be matched, I think. Some days I take this for granted, but after my interaction with this person yesterday–realizing that she didn’t have any family to support them through their sickness, no real friends to turn to when she had some very real needs–it made me sad for her, but also made me incredibly aware of the treasure that I have. I feel so rich. It’s easy to love the people in my life.

This morning, I was reading through Matthew.  Jesus calls Christians to a higher standard than just loving the people that don’t take much work to love.

Matthew 5:43-48 (The Message)

You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

I love how the Message version translates the last verse– I wonder if it was similar phrasing to what Jesus said on that hill when teaching his ‘climbing companions’.  Grow up. Be generous and gracious. 

 Love the people I don’t really like. There’s somewhat of a tug of war that sometimes goes on in my mind when confronted with the decision of what to do when said ‘enemy’ is in my space. I truly want to love them, without gritting my teeth but my initial reaction is to be extremely sarcastic or say something that would cut them down.  Yikes –It’s a good time to echo Davids prayer in Ps 141 – ‘Post a guard at my mouth, God.  Set a watch at the door of my lips!’ 

Jesus knew it wouldn’t be easy.   But he still taught his followers that it was necessary to not do the first thing that comes to mind when talking to someone we really dislike.   OK, He wouldn’t ask us to do something that was impossible right?

There is an 8×11″ paper on my fridge that is half full of red markered hearts and the other half is filled with alternating “I love you, I like you”

No, it isn’t a love letter from a fickle  male admirerwho couldn’t make his mind up about how he really felt toward me! Instead,  it’s from a little girl that would give me ‘gifts’ every once in awhile–an original short story, a crayon portrait of her family, a big smile that boasted a few donations to the toothfairy…and my favourite–the ‘I love you, I like you’ creation. It makes me smile every time I look at it–a good reminder of the heartfelt words that should be coming out of my mouth. I love you, I like you, I love you.   How ’bout them apples?  

And standing there, I got hungry. No, my stomach wasn’t growling, as I had eaten at the most wonderful chinese restaurant with the yummiest crab rangoon just before I’d arrived at IHOP. No. I was hungry to know God even more. Maybe it was more my ‘soul’ that was growling from not being fed enough from that which brings life. While I was standing there, I took stock of the things in my life that were so very distracting from pursuing the call on my life– the honest to goodness call that is on my life to simply serve Jesus and believe that I’m to be part of showing the world that Jesus wasn’t JUST a man–that the words He spoke when he was on earth really WERE Truth.

That was just over a month ago that I had tha overwhelming sense of wanting more.

Today, that feeling has come back with this email. It’s a challenge that has hit me right in the face, in the midst of this (yet again) busy season in my life. (Getting programs and everything ready for Fall when you work at a church can be extremement crazy busy!)

Mike Bickle, the pastor at IHOP wrote:

“In America alone, abortion continues to kill 4,000 babies every day in their mothers’ wombs. The sanctity of marriage has come under siege like no other time, threatening to destroy the moral foundations of our nation. The number being trafficked into the sex industry is growing at an alarming rate. Sexual immorality is reaching epic heights of depravity in our nation.

Meanwhile, the Church of the West, caged by our passivity and compromise is dulled by the “gospel” of cheap grace, leaving it bored, depressed, and disengaged from the great harvest.”

It’s so easy to point fingers at other Christians and say “that sums them up for sure”, but really, it makes me look at the life I’m leading and ask ‘am I living up to my potential, or having I fallen into the trap of going through the motions again’?

I really want to live a life of passion–a radical life of faith. It’s a bit scary when I think about it.

I was recently challenged by a friend of mine to really live what I say I believe. That stopped me a bit…I don’t want to just be lip service and say something but not truly believe it in my core.

Today, yet again, I’ve been reminded of the importance of integrity, and the necessity of living close to the Truth, and standing boldly for it. I want to stay hungry!  Today I don’t want to give in to compromise or have a quiescent faith.

I’m so glad today is a new day!!!

My very first job was as a window washer for my Grandpa, and I would be paid $5, and got to have lunch with him at McDonald’s as well. I’d say that’s pretty fantastic compensation for a job that assuredly left behind some pretty streaky windows! My grandpa sure was a gracious man–thinking of this really makes me miss him!

I was a volleyball ref for a women’s league, while I was in highschool–I think I blew the whistle too much. That’s right, ‘powertripping Janette’.
My first ‘real’ job was at Braeside camp, where I told people my job was as a domestic engineer. Sounds impressive–really, I cleaned toilets, and guest speakers cottages as well as the motels on site. The highlight was getting to ride around in a golf cart all day. The lowest point was having to clean up after someone intentionally mistook the washing machine for a toilet. Ahhh, the memories!

One of my favourite jobs has been working at Christian Horizons with people who have exceptional needs. I think this is the job where I saw a lot of things that I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or stay straight faced, but I really learned to love the people I was working with. It was so great that I got to take some of the guys with me to church if I worked on a Sunday morning. We’d get dressed up and I had the opportunity to attend churches I’ve never been to before. One of these churches was Kitchener Gospel Temple. This was the first and last time I have been able to attend a church service there, and I sure hope people don’t remember this. At first, everything went smoothly and the guys seemed enjoyed the time of worship. We sat down to hear the announcements, and the person speaking started to explain why the pastor at the time was away. Someone in his family had passed away. It was just at this moment that one of the guys decided to do what he would occasionally randomly do–he laughed. Not a silent snicker-type laugh, but a loud guffaw, straight from the belly. He didn’t understand what was being said, I’m sure. Many heads turned our way, disbelieving that someone was laughing at that bit of information. At first I was mortified as well, while the guys sat there beside me with their world being as it should. Soon, it started to sink in exacty what had happened, and I sort of wanted to laugh out loud as well. This memory makes me smile.
I hope it makes you smile as well.

I have a lot more embarrassing moments from the job I currently have, but I think I’ll save those for later.

Feel free to share any fun job experiences you’ve had!

It’s been a wonderful summer, however, and I am rearing and ready to go for the Fall schedule to begin. I will miss the summer hours at work, and the fact that I’ve had my evenings free, but there is so much to look forward to in the upcoming year, that it makes up for it. A fun outreach we’re going to put together here will be called “Hope in a House of Blues”. I am a big fan of the title–wish I’d come up with it myself! I’m also especially looking forward to working with Waterloo Region Worships again–I’m kicking myself for not getting involved earlier! It’s one of the best things to connect with others who are worship leaders/music directors and understand the role and its challenges well. Wait…I know you’re asking yourself…what challenges would she possibly face? Her life looks perfect? It’s true, I know, but looks are deceiving. (please tell me you caught the sarcasm!

Facing the Fall also seems a little bit daunting a task–perhaps if you are reading this and don’t know me personally, you’re likely unaware of my struggle with Rheumatoid arthritis. The past few weeks have proven to be a lot more difficult than I expected. My rheumatologist asked me to go off my meds because my last bloodwork showed that something might be up with my liver. After going through chemo (which was not exactly friendly to my liver) and then going on methotrexate soon after (which is also used as a chemo drug, I’m told) my liver may not be liking me very much.

Just last weekend I was given a study about alkaline/acidic diets; it claimed that people with acidic diets get a lot of health problems such as certain types of cancers and Rheumatoid arthritis. OBVIOUSLY my ears perked up at hearing this bit of information. My dad was kind enough to buy some litmus papers, and so I tested out my body’s acidity level….it was OFF the CHARTS! So in my head i thought–oh my word–is it what I’m eating that is making me sick? A lot of people from church and some friends have encouraged me to go to a naturopath and this sure made me want to beeline to the closest one. However, right before I left my parent’s house, I decided to test one more time, and then it was hardly acidic at all. Therefore, I chuckle and shake my head. I have no idea if I’m acidic or not–I’m still verrrrrry interested in really watching the effects of certain foods on my body.
Do I eat nightshade vegetables (which are my fav..I LOVE tomatoes) or not?
I dunno! I have tried to increase my intake of fibre, and omega 3s, and all the good things that all the studies have found to ‘help’. But there is a study for every single path I’d like to take with this. It’s almost humorous.

I miss riding my motorcycle and playing sports. I’ve never been told I ‘throw like a girl’…in high school I did shotput, javelin and discus, but last week I tried to play horseshoes and, well, I sure do ‘throw like a girl’ now. LOL I look forward to what’s ahead, as I believe it will only get better. Here is yet another time in my life when I just trust in God and wait on Him and His perfect timing. Our clocks sure must be different–If I had my way, my time to be healed would have already come
Having this ‘stupid arthritis’ as I call it has actually opened the door for me to connect with others and encourage them in journeys that they are facing. I still believe that God has created me pretty special and unique–no matter what I face, I hope I always have something still to give. And I know I will always have HOPE!

I’ll echo the words of David from Psalms 16:
**Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy
in your presence

So, if you’re balding, I’m not sure I’d recommend those products to you.  They made my scalp tingle , I THINK that’s about it.    $70 later…

A few weeks ago, I had someone comment that it was nice I was trying the Stacey London look, and they were being serious.  That solved the dilemma I had been having up til then–to highlight or to stay au natural…

can you SEE the very obvious grey streak ?

Was my grey  THAT obvious? hahaha  It was a quick decision for me from that comment…No more grey.  I recall my mom always saying ‘How does someone go gracefully from the colour they are dying their hair, to grey when all their hair has turned colour’.  We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

OK.  tomorrow I will have a more serious post that has been on my  mind a lot lately.  So stay tuned for that.  The ramblings continue…

I really think that God has been speaking to me lately about my ‘to do lists’ and the fact that sometimes I get so busy crossing things off that list that I forgot to interject some serious REST time–time spent with Him, and I truly take on the Martha complex. (if you’re unsure what that means, ask me!). I wonder if deep down, I feel like I have something to prove. My entire life I’ve been the busy girl–in high school I was involved in EVERYTHING, played all kinds of sports, was in band, led Christian fellowship, participated in everything church related, etc etc. The craziness didn’t end in University and I made sure every moment was filled with SOMETHING.

In ’07, when I found out I had cancer, life definitely slowed down a bit, but even then, I had a really hard time resting. I realized then the importance of slowing down and taking time to ENJOY God’s magnificence through sunsets, a perfectly formed tulip, or just taking time meditating on His word. A few people in my life that know me well have said something along the lines of “Well, unfortunately this is what it took to slow you down”…

Hmmm. It’s kinda funny. One week ago I was thinking about this…how it’s now almost two years later, after going through chemo, and my life is starting to look quite similar to what it did before I was sick. Within the past week, quite a few times I had reminders that I need to REST. I really don’t think being busy at the church and in the community makes me closer to God, and it doesn’t make me a greater servant of His. I think I start to go on a spiritual decline when I don’t have time to rest in His presence. SO what is my problem here?

As I reflect on this, I wonder if it has to do in part with my being single? As a single woman in ministry, I do have more time to put into things than if I were to have a family. But I think I have self-imposed guilt if I say no to things or if I don’t jam pack my day with activities because I can’t say ‘sorry, I have a family to attend to’. I’m sure there’s a lot more to it than that, but I dunno…could be part of it. Busy-ness causes stress, and stress causes grey hair and wrinkles. That doesn’t work…I don’t have time to deal with that LOL

I know I can’t be all things to all people. And I think some days I need to re-write my to do list and make sure I plan a time where I put on some worship music, and read and meditate on the scripture and talk with my Father, instead of assuming I’ll ‘get to it’ eventually. I need to schedule time to REST. Seems silly huh? I’m the worship and creative arts pastor at a church. Perhaps I shouldn’t be giving away my secrets

Am I the only one who has trouble resting?

I made some new friends Monday, and enjoyed reconnecting with some old friends.   I really came to respect Josh Sellers, Craig Douglas, Drew Brown, Kevin Pauls and Chris Vacher as we came together as a team and came out of the day with 5 pretty quality songs.  It is pretty amazing to look back and see God at work in my life…people I connected with in University that seemed to be ‘divine appointments’.   Chris and I used to play and sing at Laurier Christian Fellowship, as well as the young adults at WPA.  I am blessed with so many people in my life who help encourage me, and inspire me to do my best, and to be creative, but foremost, to serve God wholeheartedly.  This week God has really opened my eyes to the quality people I have around me even within my own church.   

Being a music director in a church (we’re currently running around 700 people) I have discovered it’s imperative for me to read books that allow me to delve into particular topics of the Bible, etc… Along with reading my Bible, It helps my walk with God from becoming stagnant, I really enjoy hearing other people’s perspectives on things. There are so many other worship leaders blogs out there, that I have enjoyed reading.   It’s so interesting to see how different various churches are.  My experience transitioning to and from Hillsong church back into the Canadian culture helped me realize the differences as well.  Yes, we are the Church and can be united … but sometimes what that looks like in Australia is not what it looks like here in Canada.  But…what DOES it look like?     I really do feel like I’m on a bit of a journey of discovery, in a lot of areas of my life, but especially when it comes to leading worship and living ‘passionately’ for Christ.

   Throughout my life, I’ve  had various people speak into my life, some prophetically, some just simply encouraging, about what is to come.  Some are currently put away on the shelf yet to be tested, and others I have seen come to fruition and beyond.   Throughout highschool I had planned on being a doctor/chiropractor, then changed my mind in Grade 13 (OAC) and decided to become a teacher.   All this time, I was heavily involved in the music ministry in my church(es) (I went to a different church for youth group because my home church didn’t have one).

When I was about 21, I was leading worship for a young adult group at my church called “Tehillah” and loving it…it was a place I could grow and was allowed to make mistakes. I really enjoyed working with the band as well as the pastor of Tri City Tehillah at the time, Kent Allison. All of a sudden I was thrown for a loop because within a one week period, I had three men approach me and tell me I was not in God’s will because I was leading worship, and in a place of authority over men.  What the what!  Of all the things to take issue with…and why ME?  They didn’t even participate in the services that I led.  I wanted to ask them if they were doing everything that the Bible required of them…I bit my tongue each time.  I didn’t think that was the best approach or rebuttal.  LOL
But this truly was shocking to me! I’d been serving in my church as a worship leader ever since I was 15…I’d never had anyone tell me this. I grew up in Pentecostal church, and had seen other women leading worship (I always looked up to Lori Dortono , and not only that, I felt I was doing what God had created me to do.

This led me on a journey. I didn’t like that I didn’t have a ready answer for those perhaps ‘well meaning gentlemen’ when they informed me I was only in my role because a male failed to step up and realize his authority.

Ouch.

I’d only ever read about women being discriminated against, and it sure felt like I was in that position…but yet…if it was in the Bible, who was I to say they were wrong.

“As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. Did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached?” (1 Cor. 14:33b-36 NIV).

Yet I really didn’t feel good about it.  Was I disobeying God’s word?  It stated that I was to ask my husband at home, if I had a question.  Ahemmmmm….I have a cat.  No husband.  So, I decided to read everything I could on the subject.

Two books I purchased were “Why Not Women” (written by two men, Cunningham&Hamilton) and “Women of Destiny”, by Cindy Jacobs. Both books really helped me sort through the issues of women in the church. I’m by no means an ‘expert’ on the subject but now, almost ten years later, I am very confident in my position in the church, and still am learning of the authority that comes as a worship leader, regardless of my gender.

Perhaps I’m rambling on a bit, but I wanted to start off my blog giving a little bit of a heads up to you about bits and pieces about how I arrived here.  Don’t worry, there’s more to come.  ah ah ah

This day is an amazing day that our Lord has made. I will rejoice in it, by taking a book out and reading in my mosquito infested back yard.

You know, someone just told me to try spraying Listerine around me and that would be as effective as the stinky mosquito repellant. Has anyone ever tried it out? lol I’ve only got the cinnamon flavour. Not sure how that would work, but…. I’ll let you know.

I’m looking forward to this weekend. We have a lot going on at church, with Love KW event (supported by Waterloo Region Worship team), as well as missionaries from Zimbabwe.

I really am going to make a greater effort to blog, as busy as life can get.
Talk at you soon!

J.

Sunday, April 26, 2009.

I started off with the traditional version of  the hymn

Christ the Lord is Risen Today in Bb

then did a few verses with a bit more up tempo version I found on www.praisecharts.com.  I thought both services caught on very easily to the added ‘chorus’. Going into the 3rd verse, there was a keychange up to C.

Then the list went as follows:

Sing to the King (E)

Awesome In this Place (E) -I pulled out a really old Hillsong tune

Better Is One Day (E)

We Have Come into This House (E) (old chorus)

Consuming Fire – (E) (Tim Hughes)

On Saturday,  I hosted a worship leader’s mini-retreat, where we learned/discussed what makes an effective worship leader.   I know the list can be endless, but it was a very productive day, and I really enjoyed the discussions.  I did, however, know that everyone that was there was likely picking apart my songlist, figuring out why i put a particular song where I did, etc.  I didn’t mind–it was a great morning with a great sense of God’s presence, and a real desire to worship our most amazing God.   Lately, our services seem to have taken a bit of a turn.  People seem to want to participate more, and I love it!  I can’t wait to get more people leading worship that have that gift.

OK, so there’s the list. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask!

I do know that I want to get in on posting my setlists, with my perspective of how things went for that service.    I have been the music director at this church of about 700-800 for almost 4 years now.   It was something I always thought I’d like to do, but I was pretty sure that after university I would become a teacher.  All on the same day, God opened a few other doors for me and after a lot of contemplating, I decided to choose the church ministry route.  It has been a great choice, I’d say…not always easy, but definitely rewarding.

Here at Waterloo Pentecostal Assembly, we have three services on a Sunday–two identical Sunday morning services at 9 am and 10:45 am, and one at 6 pm.   I work with a choir that numbers 25-35.   They are a great bunch of worshippers who are committed to accompanying us every Sunday morning for corporate worship, as well be a central part of the Christmas/Easter productions (where we always gain a few more choir members!!).  I have learned so much in working with them each Wednesday night, and am still learning!

I have experienced a lot of personal challenges over the past few years, and I think it would have been so easy to give up and walk away.  I am so glad I didn’t–I love what God is doing in my life, and in the lives of some of those around me, and in the life of my church right now.  I am  looking forward.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:15,16, NIV)

It’s pretty great to know that you’re part of God’s plan!!